"If I wasn't unconscious right now and being experimented on by Wade and Max, I would be laughing my ass off right now."


Ex-Mercenary Jared Arthur "Grim" Grimmauld was one of the first soldiers to arrive in the canyon and is currently a medic and 1st Class Private for Red Team. He owns and lives in his ship, The Reaper, which is similar to a Pelican. He's rarely in his armor and flaunts his robot legs as two of his greatest weapons.

History Edit

Grim was born in the form of Ian Chance, who was killed and reborn into Jared Grimmauld. Chance (Grim) was trained and over-worked by the Headmaster at his academy for 9 years, which made him much more sarcastic and easily pissed off (think of the academy like a version of the X-Men school, but run by Magneto). During this time, he became very good friends with two children - a girl named Miranda Tillman and a boy named Huxby. Grim was the best student at the school, and helped them often. They ended up working together to get the Headmaster prosecuted for overworking the students at the academy. They succeeded in confronting him and made progress in blackmailing him, but the Headmaster ended up killing Huxby and kidnapping Miranda. He also admitted that he had worked with his senator friends to put him in a situation where he would not be prosecuted. Grim was able to send Miranda into space in an academy escape pod, and he was kept in isolated custody by the Headmaster until finally being let go. Grim then shot (and supposedly killed) the Headmaster, stole an academy ship, and escaped. He flew away from the academy and into a black hole. This was meant as an attempt at suicide, but it launched him into an alternate dimension (the one containing this version of Blood Gulch).

He came out on a poor sand planet (kinda like Tatooine, according to his writer who is currently writing this right now), with his ship and body equally broken. Over the course of a few months, living off of the academy rations left in the ship, Grim slowly made his way to a village. The inhabitants fed and cared for him, and the local engineer helped him rebuild his ship. Just when Grim was about to leave, the village was attacked by some space raiders. They killed and pillaged, but Grim shot and killed everyone there. After the fight, he left in his ship (which he had finally named The Reaper) and went on to spend 7 years as a smuggler/wanderer/mercenary/asshole....

As a 22 year old, he had been married several times and had developed an addiction to Coca-Cola. However, he had become an amazing shot, pilot, and had perfected his beard. When flying by an unknown part of the universe, his ship ran out of fuel, causing it to soar into one of the caves in Blood Gulch. He made it out alive, and miraculously no one suspected a thing. He simply jumped onto Red Team and acted like he was a soldier. When squads were set up, he was put on squad five, led by Codrum.

The alien attack was his first real combat situation. Using his trusty sig-sauer P226 and double-barreled sawed-off shotgun, he killed 7 aliens (give-or-take) and got shot in the kneecap in the process. It was fine afterwords, but was convinced that the slight limp would affect his fighting prowess. So, he had Magnus cut off both of his legs and replace them with robot variants. Magnus also gave the legs their first modification: a holster for a hidden Walther PPK. He would later expand upon this modification by making a built-in holster for his sig and shotgun (along with many combat knives and the addition of combat knife toenails). Shortly after this, Wade and Max put his brain into a rabbit (and vice-versa). During this time, Blaise cared for him. To put him back in his body, they basically turned his brain into a USB stick and instead used his actual brain for Wade's Monster, also called "Nigel."

He would stay in the canyon for many weeks, but eventually left after the alien debacle ended. He got Magnus to help him fix his ship and announced to the entire canyon that he wasn't really a soldier. This announcement was met with very neutral, dull responses. In fact, a few people tried to shoot him down as he left.

And then he came back to the canyon because his writer got bored of real life and decided to end the arc early. He came back with a fully upgraded, fully cluttered, fully Coke-stocked ship and some proper cargo pants (rolled up to show his robot legs). He eventually transferred to Blue Team, but not much happened after that, and then he ended up leaving again soon after because his writer got overwhelmed by school. Because of this shitty predicament, he missed the entire freelancer storyline.

He came back to the canyon near Christmas with his new leg modifications and expecting action. He didn't get very much immediately, but then Green Team came along, led by his old squad leader: Codrum. He joined Purple Team and was almost instantly made a Lieutenant. He proceeded to participate in a few things, like aiding in Campbell's rescue from Green (formerly Red) base, which led to him carrying Campbell, Bishop (inadvertently), and Dakota out of the base. It also seems that no one remembers this fact, even though Grim considers it the second most heroic point in his Blood Gulch career.

Around this time, Grim tried to make Vish aware of the fact that he had been stealing his sheets for the past few months by surprising him while wearing a suit made out of them. To Grim's surprise, however, he found out that these sheets were not Vish's... but Sky's. So, he jumped into a bonfire he made inside his ship, burning off the sheets and every hair on his body (except his eyebrows).

Sometime after this, Chance interrogated the Headmaster just after he arrived in Blood Gulch. He quickly realized that this Headmaster was younger and from a different timeline where he hadn't met Grim yet. So, he left, but Chance later came to his ship with the intent of killing Grim first and the other residents last. Grim shot him while he was showing off his energy sword skills, but was challenged to a Wild-West duel. Being the quick-draw enthusiast that he was, Grim accepted heartily. The two of them matched draws, shooting each other directly in the chest. Chance died moments later on the Headmaster's ship (and it was revealed that they were the same person), but the many chemicals pumped into his blood by the academy allowed Grim to hold on a bit longer. He still did not receive help until Magnus finally found him and took him to Max, who patched him up in no time.

He had pretty much no part in Green Team's downfall, but transferred back to Red shortly afterwords. Since then, he has been promoted to Private First Class by Filch.

Appearance Edit

Grim's voice is similar to Charlie Day's, wears a blue Henley and cargo pants (rolled up to show off the robotic bits), and looks similar to Sam Worthington. He carries a Sig Sauer P226, a double-barreled sawed-off shotgun, and a Walther PPK. He's almost never in his armor, but it's black with green accents (see above).

Personality Edit

Grim is generally very stubborn, and can get very serious when it comes to someone he cares about. That said, he is incredibly sarcastic 90% of the time. Think Peter Quill, only shit.

Skills Edit

  • Medicine
  • Mechanics
  • Accuracy (with a gun)
  • Speed (with a gun, like quick-draw abilities)

Trivia Edit

  • If Grim were to have anything like a theme song, it would be that opening riff to "Money for Nothing" by the Dire Straits. Just the opening riff.
  • Grim wasn't directly based off of anyone, but he could be seen as... Okay, so Han Solo and Peter Quill fucked and had a baby. Then that baby (Let's say Peter Solo) went and fucked (and had a baby) with Wade Wilson. Then Wade Solo had a movie, but they didn't want him to play his own role, and so they got a dramatization actor. Basically, Grim is the dramatization actor for Han Solo/Peter Quill/Wade Wilson's child.
  • His favorite actor is the very-very-very late Arnold Schwarzenegger
  • He doesn't drink alcohol, and instead has developed an addiction to Coca-Cola.
  • His boxers have little pictures of Coke bottles on them
  • He has lost his sense of smell, but he can hear like a motherfuckin' superhero.
  • He doesn't have any parents, since he's a test tube baby. You would know this if you had read the story arc which you probably didn't read.
  • He received full medic training back in August, and apparently no one remembers